A Perfect Heart from a Perfect God

Well I am back, for at least today because I have something worth documenting.

A little back story to what will end up having me in an ugly cry before I’m done typing but you won’t see me so, good.

December 1, 2008 we welcomed our sweet second born Bennett into the world. A planned C-section and already knowing he was a boy left the only unknown to be his weight and if he had hair and who he looked like.  It was an easy morning and delivery and all of our family was there loving and crying and holding our 9lb 11 oz gift from God. He stayed in our room and off and on different nurses would come in for their regular checks on newborn stuff. They took him away a few times and brought him right back. I cannot exactly remember if it was the first night or the second day but later in the afternoon when I was alone in the room one of our pediatricians came into my room to talk about problems they found with my sweet boy’s heart. She started talking and saying so many terrifying words.. heard defect, blood flow, valves, ASD, surgery, etc.  I couldn’t breathe and the tears flowed. I wanted to just grab my baby and hold him but then I was terrified to touch him for fear of hurting him. Mark had left to go stay the night at home with Banks so that he had a bit of normalcy to his life.. The doctor said we could talk more details later and they will do more tests before we go home. She did give me the hope that this could very well be one of the normal heart murmer type things with all babies but it just seemed to be more. My sweet angelic of a nurse (Alecia Raby) came in and saw me so upset and she loved and talked to me.. she even went back to the nurse’s station and printed out info for me to read about ASD’s and she helped me believe that this problem can be fixed. She even took it upon herself to call my husband to tell him to come back to be with me. Before Mark got there I got my baby in  my arms and sang these words  “You have a maker, He formed your heart. Before even time began your life was in His hands. He knows your name. He knows your every heart. He sees each tear that falls and hears you when you call” And I prayed then for God to hear my call and make my little boys heart better.. to make it healed. More tests confirmed that my little boys heart was not perfect.. there were problems but thankfully problems that could be fixed but nothing urgent and nothing even could be done until Bennett was six months.  God gave me a peace and it was not a terrifying six months. I didn’t think or cry about it every day..THEN, the six month visit came. Tests were done, notes were made and the doctor came in to tell us that my sweet baby’s heart was just fine.. perfect.. healed.. nothing was there… Praise the Lord…

Fast forward to now my Bennett is four years old. Over the years I have thought about his heart and how thankful I am that it’s ok and he’s a healthy boy. Sometimes I have wondred if they were really sure and thorough and do we know for sure he’s ok.

Yesterday was Bennett’s four year checkup.  It was exciting to sit in the ‘healthy kid’ waiting room for a change since we’ve all had the flu and ear infections, etc. The doctor came in and with him was a student or an assistant in training who was shadowing him for the day. The doctor asked all the questions and we chit-chatted a bit and then he started the actual exam. (And this actual doctor is admired by his colleagues in the fact that he has an amazing ear when it comes to listening to hearts) He put the stethoscope up to Bennett’s chest and listened and grinned and listened again. He asked the student to come listen to see if she could hear what he heard… He said what he’s hearing is equivalent to a perfect heart beat and blood flow. Not just normal but actually perfect and not something  you hear in every heartbeat…If you will take a trip with me back the 80’s to the movie Ghost with Whoopi and Patrick… the regular and healthy heartbeat makes the Ga-Gone, Ga-Gone, Ga-Gone noise.. like you’re hearing two beats.. My sweet Bennett’s heart sounded like this Ga, Ga-Gone, Ga, Ga-Gone.. one regular beat and then a type of skip into the next beat to sound like three beats (and I am writing out these sounds so fifty years from now I will remember when telling the amazing grace and mercy and healing from God to my kids and grandkids)

So, my son has a perfect heart.. my son has a perfect heart. The son whose chest could have very well be cut open to repair his ailing heart before he was even a year old now has a perfect heart. 

The fruition of that statement makes me want to jump up and down and shout for joy and thanks to God for His blessings.. And everyday I do thank God for His blessings.

 

And today I pray that one day Bennett’s heart will be made completely whole when he asks Jesus to live in there..

When's God gonna come down here?

A few weeks ago Banks and I were in the car on the way to his very first day of preschool. I guess because I went back to work full time when he was six months old I just didn't get so weepy initially when planning on sending him to preschool. So, it was the first day and maybe I started to get a little weepy but I honestly did fine. He was just so excited and I was so excited for him that the weepies didn't surface... I'm sure it was a gift from God that this conversation started on the actual drive to school to re-direct my weepies had they been close to showing and turned my heart from a possible 'my baby's growing up' melt down to a sweet moment of God talk that made my tears sweet instead of anxious.
We're riding down the road and the clouds were big and puffy and the sky behind was clear and blue.. perfect Carolina almost fall day. And Banks said "Mommy, when is God gonna come down here?" I heard him perfectly but I wanted to hear him say it again, so I said "What Baby?" and he repeated it. I told him that God's got a lot of work to do up there in heaven and too, in the hearts of a lot of people down here before he's ready for us all to come. And he asked "Does God get tired of all the work he has to do?" and I told him that God created everything and since he made it all he knows pretty well how to take care of it all and he's ok with all his work and that Jesus helps him do some work. (didn't think I should go ahead and enter the work of the Holy Spirit just yet) I went on to tell him that even though God has a lot of work to do that he is never too busy to help whenever we call out to him or pray about something. I told Banks that God is always with us and that one day he can ask Jesus to live in his heart and be his Savior. I told him that when Jesus lives in your heart it will change the way he thinks and acts and speaks and loves and that he will want to tell everyone about his Savior.. and Banks said "Yea mommy, I think one day I'm gonna do that" And then the weepy started. Oh how this mommy prays for that day. I don't want him to just say he knows about Jesus but I want Jesus to be real to him, to both of my boys. So that on that day when God is gonna come down here, we'll all be going with Him!

His firsts equal mommy's last

My sweet Banks turned 4 yesterday. We started several months ago telling him that when kids turn four they dress themselves. Mark worked with him and showed him the tag and that the tag always goes in the back. Banks would practice off and on and sometimes in lazy moments he'd say he just couldn't do it. Yesterday I had his clothes and sat down beside him and started to put on his shorts. I realized he was supposed to dress himself and told him I'd do it this morning.. and he said "No, I can do it" and he did, but I put his shirt on. So, today I took his clothes down before he was downstairs and when he woke up I told him he could go play a bit but that his clothes were on the table by the couch and he needed to get dressed. In less than five minutes he was coming up the steps and announced "Mommy and daddy, look what I did" And there he was... all dressed! Tags in the back and clothes on straight. We doted, praised, threw out high-fives and loved on him for his great accomplishment and he smiled from ear to ear. And now, a few hours later it hit me, I don't get to do it anymore. I've always had to, but now I don't get to. He doesn't need me for this anymore.. And tomorrow it will be another thing and next month yet another. He's going to keep learning and keep growing and as much as it might hurt my heart, it's indeed what I want for him. It would be more detrimental for his development if I did everything for him and never gave him responsiblities.. but still, this mommy is weepy because I've begun the parent's list of lasts..
I thank God for my boys... for all the firsts I've shared with them and the long list of lasts that are yet to be... I pray whether first or last that all will be honoring to God and according to His plan for their lives.

Life is precious, life is sweet

I am so stinkin' in love with my boys today, and my husband has a new fresh hair cut and he's looking pretty hot (he's always cute but cuter after a fresh "snapping" as he calls it) Banks is fully potty trained and that alone is worthy of a moment to lift praise to my most high God for bringing us through the training days. He's doing so well and it makes me want to squeeze him everytime he tells me he needs to go! Even at 2 am, I'm just so proud. He is also starting to test the boundaries more and more on obeying but, he's three and I don't think his ways now are a pre-cursor of what's to come.. he's still a good kid.
Bennett is crawling everywhere and becoming so much more vocal. He squeals and grunts and says some words that resemble dadeeee and bobba.. daddy? and bottle? but the bobba at times is said when the dog walks up so, he might be saying doggie? He's eating so many new foods other than just baby food and he's quite a large boy. And a happy boy... more jovial than ever fussy.
God has just blessed me to pieces with two precious boys.
And Mark is pretty amazing too. He's such a fabulous husband and daddy and friend!!
This week end I will be single mom-ing it. Daddy's going to gather with some college pals to ASU's football game. I'll be sure to find a fall festival or park to spend the afternoon at! Please Lord let the weather be perfect and the issues be minimal.

Prayer for today

This post is simply for me today, to document this moment on paper that I am praying for my little boy . God hears even our simple prayers...Dear Father, thank you so much for my sweet Banks. He's such an amazing little being and He is yours..your gift to me. My prayer is this potty training chapter in our lives.. Let him get it! Let him do it! Let the messes end and the stresses end. Remind him when that feeling comes to remind whoever is around that he needs to go!! I know in the history of the world all mothers have been in this same season and I'm just begging you to let the season come and go and let him be a potty trained boy soon!! In Jesus name and to Jesus be every bit of the glory, amen.

Begin Busy Month

This month is so jammed packed full of stuff to do. May 1st began the many days of busy for me.
We had a spring worship concert at church which was also a “live recording” and the next day we went back for 4 hours of re-recording. Whew, hard work. This week Mark and I are involved in a ministry event together so we’ll have to practice for that and the event is Friday night.. I have to rehearse this week for a wedding on May 16 and I really hope to get my hair done?? Saturday is a yard sale I’ve paid to be a part of so I can’t back out!! Sunday is Mother’s Day and I’m now a mother of two. At Parkwood we have baby dedication on Mother’s Day and the Sunday after Thanksgiving so, we’ll dedicate my little Bennett to the Lord on Sunday, May 10. I’ve already dedicated his little life to God so, this will just be the public version. I get to sing too!!! I sang Up To the Moon when we dedicated Banks and I get to sing it for Bennett too!! Thanks Chad and Jeff for giving me this sweet moment. Heather Beckham and Stephen Mitchell’s wedding is May 16. They are true high school sweet hearts. I was there right next door when they set out on their first date.. I pray that my boys will be like the man Stephen has become and that they will find a girl to marry as wonderful as Heather is! I’m singing and my little Banks will be the ring bearer. He was just a sight getting fitted for a tuxedo. I wanted to squeeze him..he’s beautiful. And he really is, I’m not one of those “my kid’s the cutest” mommies but he is so cute you want to squeeze him. Oh, and my own wedding anniversary is May 24th. Six wonderful years. I have the best husband. That is a fact. Good heavens he is just marvelous and I’ve said a million times that he’s better to me than I am to him. And, in the next six years I plan to change that.

I plan to do nothing in June. Just work and spend time loving my family. Maybe go on a date with Mark? Maybe I’ll get on the riding mower and cut the grass while Mark plays in the pool with the boys? Maybe I can have all the laundry caught up and then keep it maintained? And I’d love to cook dinner more often than not. I better get to exercising too. I don’t to still be carrying Bennett on me when he’s starting to carry himself.